


Known

by tale_to_tell



Series: Destiel deserves better [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alastair is a creep, Alternate Season/Series 14, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parent John Winchester, Blood and Violence, Brotherly Love, Burns, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel is Protective of Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has Abandonment Issues, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Good Sibling Sam Winchester, Hell, Hell Trauma, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Sam Winchester, Psychological Torture, Scared Dean Winchester, Temporary Character Death, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Torture, Worried Castiel (Supernatural), Worried Sam Winchester, death of a baby (it's not actually real but still), just barely but there still, like actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21673594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tale_to_tell/pseuds/tale_to_tell
Summary: In which Michael did not trick Dean with contentment, but instead designed trials that progressively grew worse and required Dean to face his worst fears and greatest insecurities. Dean couldn't face his fears alone, but maybe with Sam and Cas by his side he can.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Destiel deserves better [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559521
Comments: 41
Kudos: 331





	1. It's So Unusual it's Frightening

Michael was really starting to get on Sam's nerves. The archangel continuously mocked and taunted Sam and Cas as they prepared to enter Dean's mind.

"It won't work." Michael said, completely nonchalant. "I've got him buried so deep that he'll never see the light of day again. If you even manage to find him, you'll be just as stuck as he is."

"Is that true?" Sam asked Cas quietly. The angel stared pensively at Michael and did not answer, which was probably not a good sign. It was odd to see Dean acting cool and collected, and looking all primed up. Sam glared, though Michael only smiled back with pseudo-politeness. Sam continued to attach wires of the machine to Michael's head.

"I hope you two have fun." Michael said loftily. Sam wished he could punch him, but alas this would only bring more injury to Dean. He hooked both Cas and himself up to the machine. Jack watched from the doorway, looking nervous and uncomfortable.

"Keep us safe," Sam called, then added, "you've got this." Jack swallowed and nodded, and Sam switched on the machine.

It was completely dark at first, and Sam worried he'd lost Cas already.

"Cas?" He called out, hesitant.

"I'm here, Sam."

"Jesus!" Sam exclaimed, jumping when Cas's voice spoke too close to his ear for comfort. Cas ignored Sam's fright, and he began to wander around the emptiness. There was a strangle light around then, but their surroundings were a black fog.

"He has a lot of pain here." Castiel observed, walking around and reaching out a hand. Dean's voice cried out in the darkness, sometimes yelling and sometimes crying. It made Sam feel sick.

"This is going to take forever." He sighed. "And who knows what could be happening to Dean right now." Castiel still did not acknowledge him, instead he appeared to concentrate. Frowning, Cas came to a stop with his arm still reaching out.

"What is it?" Sam asked, glancing around. He was beginning to feel frustrated with how useless he was.

"I'm not sure." Castiel answered. "The fear here is very familiar, but changed."

"Changed?" Sam questioned. "How?"

"I don't know." Castiel replied. He moved his hand around. "It's fear Dean knows well, but it appears it's grown in strength."

"Could he be there?" Sam hopefully asked. Castiel grimaced.

"I pray not." He said. He reached out, and suddenly everything was swirling and fading around them. Sam stumbled, feeling sick. The blackness gave way to curved white walls and rows of seats - an airplane, then. Dean was afraid of flying, so it made sense to find him here.

The airplane was completely empty, at least, it was in the cabin where Sam and Cas had entered. A quick look around told them that they were by the front of the plane, and that there were no people in the First Class Cabin.

"Dean?" Sam called. He started walking towards the back of the plane in search of his brother. It was near the end that they finally caught sight a figure hunched in its seat.

"Dean!" Sam said, running to kneel besides the other hunter. Dean was leaning over his lap, his hands tightly clutching his hair. Sam touched Dean's shoulder and Dean flinched.

"Dean?" Castiel asked softly. He reached out to gently lift Dean's face. Dean's eyes, wide with fear, flickered with recognition.

"Cas?" He said. "Sammy?"

"Hey, man." Sam sighed, relief flooding his veins. "Good to see you." The plane shook suddenly, and instantly Dean was hunched up again. His breath quickened.

"Don't worry, Dean." Cas soothed. "This is only a mental construction of Michael's creation."

"What?" Dean asked, still bent over himself.

"We're not really here." Sam said. "This isn't real." Dean's breathing slowed, and then he looked up.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember?" Sam said. "You said 'yes' to Michael, and now he's trapped you here." Sam saw the understanding dawn on Dean's face. His jaw clenched and he stiffened in his seat.

"Oh." He said simply.

"We have to get you out of here." Cas said, taking Dean's arm. "You need to expel Michael." Dean allowed himself to be pulled from his seat.

"How do I do that?" He asked hoarsely, stumbling along the airplane aisle and deliberately keeping his eyes on the ground. The plane shook again and Dean froze.

"You've got to overcome his attempts to smother you." Sam explained. "Come on, Dean, I promise it's not real."

"It's not real." Dean murmured. He allowed himself to be manhandled, once again, into moving.

"How do we get out of here?" Dean asked, and both Sam and Cas paused. They didn't actually know how to escape the plane.

"Perhaps we must open the door." Cas suggested. He gestured to the emergency exits.

"Hell no!" Dean snarled, yanking himself away from Sam and Cas. "You can't make me jump out of a flying plane."

"It's not real Dean." Sam said. "We have to." Dean shook his head rapidly as he pulled away.

"Dean," Cas tried, reaching out to grasp Dean's shoulder, "we'll be here with you. I promise that everything will be okay." Dean stared at Cas for a moment, swallowing. He was sweaty and pale, but after a second he shakily nodded. Cas smiled at him, his fingers sort of stroking Dean's shoulder.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas said. Sam raised an eyebrow. This was new.

"Can you open the door, Sam?" Cas asked, gaze never leaving Dean's.

"Uh, yeah." Sam said eloquently. He followed the instructions to open the emergency door, and then it flew open violently. Sam felt a flash a panic as he was faced with empty sky.

_It's not real._

He took a steadying breath and turned to look back at the others. Dean had collapsed into the row behind him, gasping for breath and his hands gripping the handles so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"Dean," Cas said commandingly, "Dean, listen to me. You're okay. We are here with you." Cas kneeled in front of Dean and moved into his line of sight. Cautiously, he placed his hands just above Dean's knees.

"You are okay." He repeated, and Sam was once again stunned by how he and Dean were acting. Dean focused on Cas, and gradually his breathing returned to normal.

"Okay," he said. Castiel moved and Dean stood. He took a hesitant step forward, face nearly green at as he looked upon the open door.

"We can all jumped together." Sam offered. Dean did not reply. Castiel gently nudged him forward.

"Okay," Dean said again. He took another step forward, and then several more, and then they were all standing and staring at the sky as wind whipped and tugged at them.

"On three?" Sam asked, feeling kiddish. Dean nodded.

"Okay," Sam started, watching Dean carefully. "One, two-" Here he grabbed Dean's arm and jumped, yanking his brother down with him. Dean let out a shout and Castiel cried out, "Dean!" Sam felt his stomach drop and that awful falling feeling shook through him for a second. Then he landed, harshly, on his side and everything went black.

At first Sam thought he'd gone blind because of the impact.

"Where are you?" Cas called. Ah. So not blind, then, just dark.

"What the _fuck_ , Sam?!" Dean snarled, his arm still clutched in Sam's grasp. Sam scrambled up, dropping Dean's arm like it burned him. God, he was so fucked now.

"I didn't want you to pull back." Sam said, backing up. It was still completely black, so he had no way of knowing where Dean or Cas were.

"Sam Winchester," and Cas's tone was so fucking cold and furious that Sam nearly whimpered, "you are an assbutt."

"Dick move, Sam." Dean snapped, from somewhere on Sam's left.

"We don't have much time," Sam protested, "and I didn't want you to overthink it and-" A blinding light flashed suddenly, making Sam cry out from the sudden brightness. He was vaguely aware that Dean had done the same. Sam slowly opened his eyes, allowing them to painfully adjust to the new light. He could see Dean and Cas a few feet away from him. Dean looked pissed, but Cas looked _murderous._ Sam shuddered. Cas moved towards Sam (Sam definitely did _not_ flinch), but Dean stopped him with an arm. He was focused completely on something else, and Sam turned to look at the source of the light.

He heart startled in his chest. It was their home, their old home. And it was on fire.

"Oh, fuck." Dean growled.


	2. You See Right Through the Mess Inside Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mind the tags my dudes  
> don't own supernatural   
> destiel is real fight me

Sam stared. Slowly the blackness around them morphed into images. Sam now recognized the neighborhood in which their old home once stood. God, it was so exact Sam was almost convinced they'd somehow been transported.

A loud cry came from the direction of the house, and suddenly Dean was running towards the house, heedless of the flames.

"Dean!" Both Sam and Cas yelled, taking off after him. Dean either did not hear them or did not care. He pressed on, yanking the front door open and rushing into the burning house.

Cas got to the house seconds before Sam did. He did not hesitate in the presence of the flames, but Sam was guilty to admit he had. He could feel the heat from feet away, and he stumbled into a stop just before the door. Cas entered the home, unaware of Sam's inner struggle. Swallowing, Sam forced himself to keep moving. He prepared himself for the burn and was shocked when the flames did little more than mildly heat up parts of his skin. He cautiously ran a hand through some flames, watching with fascination when they did not burn him. Perhaps this mental construction could not physically harm Sam. Newly determined, Sam continued onwards and hastened to catch up with Castiel and Dean.

They weren't hard to find. Dean had gone immediately to Sam's old nursery. They stood in the hallway leading up the nursery, both completely still. Sam joined them, eyes searching over their heads and shoulders for a glimpse of what had caused this pause.

John Winchester stood in front of them. He was young, very young, with way less scars and worry lines. John's expression was one of panic, his skin pale and his eyes wide and darting. He was sweating from the blaring heat of the room. He seemed to be staring right at them. Sam looked to Dean and saw his older brother working to form words.

"Dean!" John cried, rushing towards them. Castiel and Sam both stumbled back, not at all trusting this allusion. However, Dean stood still as their father approached him. The images rippled suddenly and everything blurred. Sam made to lean against the wall to steady himself and found it was farther than it had been, farther than it should have been. The room came back into focus, and Sam blinked.

It looked like the hallway had grown. The walls were much higher, nearly four times Sam's height. The hallway was significantly wider and longer too. John suddenly was towering above them, and Sam could not help but flinch backwards. Castiel caught his arm, eyes trained on the back of Dean's head. Sam frowned. Dean's hair was... different, lighter.

"Look." Castiel said. Sam frowned, looking at Dean (who was now standing further away from them, thanks to the lengthening of the hallway). John crouched near Dean and placed large hand on Dean's too-small shoulders.

"Stay here, sweetie." John ordered gently. "Stay here but don't watch." Dean nodded slowly and turned. Sam's eyes widened and he gasped aloud.

Dean looked at them with big, red-rimmed eyes. His bottom lip wobbled and a chubby hand came to wipe at his cheek. Dean was _not_ the age he was supposed to be. Sam stared at his brother, now four-years-old, and gaped. This young Dean looked too innocent and emotional to be the Dean he knew. Sam had always seen strong, sturdy Dean, who kicked ass and took names. This Dean looked terrified and confused, and Sam wanted so badly to reach out and hug him. Belatedly, Sam realized he was the same height as Dean. A quick check over his body assured him he still was the same age, only miniature now. Castiel was the same.

"Dean," Cas said gently, taking a step towards Young-Dean. Dean trembled, and Cas pulled him into a hug. Dean sniffed and buried his head into Cas's shoulder. Cas's arms wrapped protectively around Dean's shaking frame. Sam stood uselessly to the side.

"It'll be alright, Dean." Castiel soothed. "Just wait here for your father." Dean pulled back only to nod at Cas, and then the angel was being hugged again. Cas sighed and met Sam's eyes above Dean's head.

'Now what?' Sam mouthed. Cas frowned.

"Dean," he tried, "will you tell me what's scaring you?" Dean shifted away from Cas's hold, looking him in the eye and shaking frantically.

"Dean," Cas tried again, "I promise we can help you. Sam and I will be right here with you." Young-Dean startled and looked at Sam, eyes widening as if he had just realized Sam was there.

"Sammy," the child whined. Sam walked swiftly to hug his brother too, not questioning how Dean could be young again and still recognize him and Cas.

"Cas means it, De," Sam said, "we're here for you." Castiel stood solemnly by Dean's side, his hand resting on Dean's shoulder.

"Sammy," said the boy again. Sam's heart clenched. No child should ever be this afraid, even though technically this was just his brother in a child's body.

"We won't anything happen, Dean." Sam promised. "You trust us, don't you?" Dean nodded against Sam's chest.

"Good," Cas said, "because we are doing everything in our power to help you." Dean nodded again. Castiel exchanged a grave look with Sam. Sam moved so that he and Dean sat up against the wall, with Dean's small body hiding against Sam.

"De, please," Sam coaxed, squeezing Dean's arm in a firm, but gentle way, "can you tell us what's scaring you? It's the only way to move past it." Dean looked up at Sam, and then at Cas. They tried to looked as trustworthy and kind as possible. Young-Dean took a deep breath, tears beginning to streak across his cheeks.

"I'm afraid." He whimpered meekly. Cas sat on Dean's other side.

"That's okay, Dean. You're doing very good." He said. "Can you tell us what you're afraid of?" Dean hesitated, eyes looking away from the two.

"I'm too late." He whispered, a fresh set of tears leaving his eyes. "I'm always too late."

"What do you mean, Dean?" Sam asked, confused. As if sensing the situation, John Winchester appeared. He stumbled towards Dean and collapsed, gasping for breath.

"Daddy!" Young-Dean screamed, reaching for his father. John looked up at them, and Sam was horrified to see massive blistering burns stretching across the entirety of his face. His eyes were red from the smoke and he coughed, blood dripping from his lips.

"Daddy!" Dean wailed, hands hovering above John's face, wanting to touch and comfort him but not wanting to cause more harm.

"Dean," John whispered, raising a shaking hand to cup his young son's face. More burns stretched across John's arm, so deep and red that pus had began to secrete from his wounds. Dean looked hopefully at their father, eyes shining.

"Dean, you're too late." John's tone had taken a terrible accusatory tone, and Dean trembled.

"Dad!" Sam exclaimed, outraged and unable to stop himself. John did not hear him, of course. He was merely a figment created by Michael to stop Dean.

"I'm sorry," Young-Dean cried, "I'm trying."

"You're too late." John repeated, harshly. Dean curled into himself, sobs beginning to rake through his body. Sam could not help himself. He pulled Dean away from John and hugged him. Only after did he realize he and Cas were their normal sizes again, though Dean was still young and tiny. Sam picked Dean up carefully, nearly cradling him. He felt tears prickling at his own eyes. _It's not fair, he is doing the best he can_.

"Dean," John rasped, barely alive, "get your brother. Protect him, ya' hear?"

"Yes, sir." Dean answered, voice small. He squiggled out of Sam's grip and started for the nursery again, barely sparing the flames a look.

"I'm right here, De." Sam said, matching Dean's pace.

"I need to get to other Sammy." Dean replied, voice hard and determined. "Baby Sammy." Sam paused and watched as Dean entered the nursery. The boy let out a noise of hurt that alarmed Sam, but he kept going.

"What happened, Dean?" Sam asked, hurrying to catch up with his brother.

"Burn." Dean answered, and sure enough a large burn mark had broken out across Dean's skin where he'd come too close to the fire. Sam stared at it with wide eyes, then searched for Cas. The angel looked pensive.

"Perhaps since Michael is controlling Dean's body he can also cause physical harm." Cas mused, his furious expression returning. Sam was quick to follow his brother into the nursery.

"Be careful, Dean!" He called worriedly. "Don't burn yourse-" Sam cut himself off abruptly at the scene before him. Bile rose in his throat and Sam had to look away. Mary Winchester lay broken and trapped underneath part of the ceiling. Her lifeless eyes stared towards the entrance of the nursery, still looking for help. The terrible stench of burning flesh tainted the room, and Sam was so incredibly grateful that they could not see the majority of her body that was on fire. The hair on the left of her face had burned away, leaving a raw and crackling scalp. Her arms clutched an unmoving lump in a blanket. Even Cas glanced away from the carnage.

"Dean," Sam croaked, "you shouldn't be looking at this." But Dean did not listen. Instead he took the blanketed lump from their mother's stiff arms. Sam knew what it was, even without having to see. He only wished he'd been quick enough to stop Dean from looking.

"Sammy!" Dean screeched, clutching the blanket, and baby, closer to himself. Dean brushed part of the burnt blanket away, revealing the grey face of a dead baby Sam. Sam stared, greatly distressed, at his own body. Dean let out another heart-wrenching wail and held the baby closer to his chest. He began to rock back and forth, hands holding onto the baby's hand and face.

"Dean," Cas said, finally regaining his voice, "Dean, we must leave this place." Dean shook his head, arms protective around the lifeless form. Around them, the walls trembled and the flames spread closer.

"Sammy," Dean bawled, brushing his ashy fingers across the baby's cheek, "I'm sorry. I love you."

"Dean," Sam wheezed, overwhelmed, "I'm right here still. I'm okay." Dean only keened and shook his head. He began to murmur something quick and quiet, and Sam had to lean close to hear what was being said.

"Too late, too late, too late," Dean continued in an endless mantra. Sam felt sick, so very sick, at the sight of his young brother holding Sam's own baby corpse.

The walls shook again and the fire grew stronger.

"His soul is fading!" Castiel said suddenly, urgently, and Sam forced himself to detach from the situation. This could be dealt with later ~~never~~.

"Dean," Sam said, reaching out to touch his brother's shoulder, "we have to go. Please listen to me." Dean looked up, heartbroken, at Sam.

"But Sammy," he said brokenly.

"You can still get him out of here, Dean." Cas said, kneeling down next to him. Sam shot him a look, because baby Sam was most certainly dead and what Cas said seemed to imply he wasn't. Dean seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"He's gone." Dean whispered. "I'm too late." Castiel shook his head.

"No, Dean." Cas said. "Sam is still alive, right there." He pointed at grown Sam.

"Sammy's gone." Dean said forcefully.

"Bring him, Dean." Cas urged. "It's not too late to get him out of here, you'll see. Sam will be okay. I promise." Dean stared at Cas.

"You promise?" He asked softly.

"I do," Cas solemnly replied, "I swear it." Dean looked back and forth between Cas and Grown-Sam, and then he nodded. The flames receded slightly.

"Okay," he said, "I'm taking him outside." He carried the baby so carefully, cautious to avoid the flames and broken pieces of their once lovely home. Sam and Cas followed Dean silently, watching as he easily navigated the house and reached the front entrance.

They all exited and stood on the front yard. Dean gently put the baby down and kissed his forehead.

"You'll be okay, Sammy." Dean whispered. "I promise I'll protect you." Sam watched, speechless and hurting. Even now Dean was so protective and loving.

Everything blurred once more. When their surroundings cleared, the house was gone and Dean was no longer a kid. Sam and Cas stood in an empty field, and Dean lay unconscious on the grass. His burn was no longer there. Sam quickly knelt by his brother, gently touching his forearm. He didn't know how to act after witnessing Young-Dean's obvious love and affection. This Dean would rather be caught dead. Then, Dean stirred. His eyes opened slowly, and they widened when they focused on Sam's concerned face. Dean sat upright quickly and pulled Sam into a tight hug.

"Dude," Dean breathed, sounding traumatized, "I had a _terrible_ dream." Sam chuckled, wetly and sardonically, at that.

"Not a dream, dude." He said, his own voice cracking. "Wish it were." Dean stiffed, and Sam expected him to pull away, make excuses, and act, well, like Dean. Dean hugged him tighter.

"It's okay, De." Sam said. "It's not real."

"Might as well be." Dean replied despondently. "We're having a family picnic after all this shit is over." Sam hummed in agreement, squeezing his brother one last time before pulling back. He tried not to feel sad, even though he knew it was unlikely Dean would hug him again anytime soon.

Dean let out a ragged breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"Now what?" He asked.

"Oh, Dean." An oily voice cooed, and the air was suddenly so very cold.

"You!" Castiel snarled, eyes glaring at something behind Sam and Dean.

"Yes, Castiel," the voice mocked, "me." Sam felt his heart hammering in his chest, God, he could only imagine what Dean felt. Slowly, they turned to face their next antagonist.

"Aw, Dean," Alastair purred, "I've missed you."


	3. And You Call Me Out to Pull Me In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE MIND THE TAGS!!! kinda dark.. check the endnotes for more specific warnings   
> I don't own Supernatural   
> I didn't really read over this chapter.. so there might be more mistakes than normal

The world was spinning again, suddenly, and Castiel fought to keep his balance. Once his sight focused again, he saw Alastair and Dean in the center of a room. Sam and himself looking on from behind the bars of a cell. Castiel jerked forward, grabbing at the bars. He yanked roughly at the bars and was shocked when they stayed firm.

"Oh, poor Castiel," Alastair tutted, "you have no power here." Castiel drew back as if he'd been struck, freezing as the realization hit him.

"Dean, here, is in charge." Alastair continued, circling the hunter. "Well, to an extent." Alastair stepped closer to Dean so they were only a few feet apart. Dean did not move or react. Besides Castiel, Sam tensed and grabbed the bars. Alastair smirked at them, still walking around Dean. Dean had to turn to keep him in his sight, and he was eventually facing Sam and Castiel.

"Dean!" Sam called. "Remember, it's not real!" Dean said nothing, eyes still intent on Alastair.

"Oh, Sammy." Alastair hissed, stepping up to Dean and reaching out to stroke his face. "I'm not real to you, but I will _always_ be real to Dean." Dean shuddered and flinched away from Alastair, dropping his eyes to the ground. Castiel snarled, shaking the bars of their cage.

"I see that not all of your training has been forgotten." Alastair said approving. "Good, Dean." Dean's jaw clenched, but he did not look up or say anything in his defense. Castiel despised this with all of his being, he hated this forced submission. Dean was the strongest creature that Castiel had even known, and it burned him to see Dean pushed down.

"Would you do something for me, Dean?" Alastair asked kindly, moving forward again. Dean kept his eyes trained firmly away from Alastair's face.

"I think you know what I want." Alastair said quietly, a wretched smile coming across his face. "You know what I want." Dean shook his head, finally glancing up to meet Alastair's eyes.

"No!" He said, teeth gritted. "Never." Alastair hummed, as if he'd expected the answer.

"It's tragic how easily you've forgotten your place." He said cruelly. "You believe yourself above this, don't you?" Dean only glared in reply.

"He _is_ above this." Castiel snapped as he tried to shake the bar. "He is an amazing man." Dean met his gaze, expression guilty, and Castiel knew what he was thinking about.

_You don't think you deserve to be saved._

Dean's soul was the brightest of any Castiel had ever seen. Even after years of intense torture in hell, which could break the strongest of angels, Dean had remained vibrant, and, God, Castiel loved him so much.

"You are incredible." Castiel said firmly. He could feel Sam eyeing him strangely, but it didn't matter. This was something he needed Dean to know.

"He is nothing." Alastair spat, suddenly backhanding Dean so harshly that Dean stumbled. Sam and Castiel yelled out, pushing against the bars. "He is nothing and he knows it. I broke him once, and I can break him again."

"You will not." Castiel said determinedly. "Dean Winchester is unbreakable." Alastair chuckled darkly and yanked Dean against him, kissing him suddenly. Castiel staggered where he stood, completely shocked. Even though Castiel had known everything Alastair did to Dean, it had still taken him by surprise. At least he was more prepared than Sam. The younger brother let out a noise of outrage. Dean recovered quickly, shoving Alastair away and stumbling back. He wiped angrily at his mouth and spat at Alastair. Alastair only smiled, licking his lips.

"Well," he said, eyes gleaming, "still as delicious as ever." Castiel straightened again, so enraged that his wings manifested temporarily and flared up. Sam caught his eye, looking just as angry as Cas.

"Go to hell!" Dean said, chest heaving.

"My sweet," Alastair cooed, "we're already there." Then the room was rippling around them once again. Castiel fell forward when the bars suddenly disappeared. Immediately he ran to where Dean was, but it was already too late. The room shifted and churned and Castiel found himself next to Sam once again.

Dean lay on a rack, kept down by binds around his wrists and ankles. He shook against them furiously, but to no avail. Castiel tried to go forward, to get to Dean. A painful tug forced Castiel back, pulling him so suddenly that Castiel tripped and ended up sprawled on the floor. He was close to Dean, closer than he'd been before in the cage, but it still wasn't enough. Growling, Castiel looked for what was containing him. He glared we he saw that he and Sam had their own manacles around their wrists and ankles that were chained to a wall. Sam inspected them, but it was obvious they could not escape. None of this was real, this was all part of Michael's power. He wasn't strong enough to hurt them with these constructs, but he was strong enough to restrain them, or, at least, to keep them away from Dean. Sam's eyes flashed, and his mouth was pulled taut. There was so much fury in his stance that Castiel may have felt a flicker of fear if he weren't so angry too.

Alastair appeared directly in front of Castiel, cause the angel to jerk backwards. He pushed himself up quickly. Alastair laughed.

"I only wish I could hurt you or Sammy." He said with a longing sigh, glancing to Dean. "It would be _so_ much for fun to break Dean like that, to hear him scream for you while you choke beneath my hands. I'd relish the way he'd beg for me to stop or for him to take your places. It would be so beautiful."

"Fuck you!" Sam roared, also coming to the end of his chain. He tried to reach Alastair, but the demon was just out of reach. He looked bored by the attempt.

"Dean is so sensitive when it comes to you two." Alastair hissed. "I would have given you demon blood, Sam." Sam froze and his breathing hitched. Dean looked murderous. He yanked at his bonds, though they only cut into his skin and he bled.

"He hates it, don't you, Dean?" Alastair said, walking only a few feet so he could stand by Dean's rack. "You hate the way Sam hurts. You wish you could do something more for him. It's your fault, you know, because you didn't protect him. That was your one job and you _failed_." Throughout his speech, Alastair had moved so that he stood on the opposite side of Dean, giving Castiel and Sam a full view. Dean looked sickened by the words, skin pale and eyes blinking rapidly, as if he were trying not to cry. Castiel felt a pang if sorrow clench in his chest. Dean had already suffered so much during the plane and house fire. For a brief moment, Castiel hated himself for not being able to do more. Dean was the most precious thing in the world, and Castiel should be able to keep him safe. He was angel.

Michael was too strong for both of them.

"It's not your fault, Dean." Sam said. His voice was shaky but he still kept his expression firm. "I'm just stupid, is all. You have not failed to protect me." Castiel watched, knowing that Sam's words would do nothing. Dean was already too hurt, and he was falling quicker. He hadn't protested when Alastair began to spill his thoughts. Castiel knew exactly the power Alastair held over Dean, he'd seen in it Dean's memories and nightmares, he'd subjected Dean to it by asking (forcing) the hunter to torture Alastair. Castiel's heart ached, and he grimaced guiltily. Maybe he was one of the reasons that Dean still struggled with Alastair. Castiel had begged (pushed) Dean to torture Alastair, and Dean had even warned Castiel how much it would affect him. Castiel had harmed Dean, however indirectly his actions still hurt Dean. Castiel, watching Alastair whisper into Dean's ear, wanted nothing more than to go back and kill Alastair a thousands time over. He should have gotten to Dean sooner, should have saved him from Hell before this wretched demon ever touched the Righteous Man.

"You should have seen the way he begged for you the first time, Sammy." Alastair sneered, hovering over Dean's form. He reached out a hand and ran it slowly from Dean's shoulder to his stomach. Dean shook on the rack, his eyes clenching tightly.

"Get your hands off of him!" Castiel said ferociously, yanking at his chains like a wild animal. They did nothing to hurt him, but still they did not budge. Alastair rolled his eyes and looked directly at Castiel, touching Dean's face as he did. It was a way of baiting Castiel, a way to exert his power over both Dean and the angel. Dean moved his head away, catching Alastair's fingers between his teeth as he did. He stared at the demon defiantly, and Castiel both admired and feared for Dean. The demon casually pulled his fingers from Dean's mouth and inspected them. Then, suddenly, he slapped Dean harshly. Dean's head whipped to the side, and he let out a pain grunt. He looked back to Alastair, lip now bleeding.

"Fuck you." He hissed. Alastair sneered down at him.

"I'm going to have a lot of fun with you, Dean." He hissed. "I'm going to enjoy pulling you apart and building you into a creature you hate." He walked away from Dean to a table that hadn't been there previously. Cas strained against the chains, trying to see what was on the table.

"Let's start with something simple, shall we?" Alastair mused, picking up a sort of knife. He returned to Dean and pressed the knife teasingly against Dean's chest.

"Get away from him!" Castiel shouted angrily. Alastair did not even glance in his direction. He pressed down, breaking through both Dean's shirt and his skin. Dean hissed, twisting. Alastair only pushed the knife further, and Dean gasped.

"You're trying to stay quiet, to keep your dignity in front of your family." Alastair said. "It won't work. You _will_ scream for mercy." Dean, thankfully, did not answer. While normally Castiel appreciated Dean's snarky and strong attitude in the face of danger, now he only wanted Dean to be spared from pain. Dean could feel here, no matter that they were technically in his head. Alastair pressed the knife down the the hilt, and Castiel's eyes widened. There was no way that Dean's organs remained unharmed. Could Dean die here? Sam had come to the same realization, and now they both shared a worried look.

"I can't kill you directly, Dean." Alastair said, somehow sensing their thoughts. "But that only makes it better for me. There will be no relief for you." He twisted the knife and Dean whimpered, eyes shutting. He breathed deeply through his mouth.

"Dean?" Sam asked. "Dean are you okay?" Dean offered a shaky nod, obviously not okay. Alastair tugged the knife out roughly, then plunged it back in to Dean's sensitive flesh, and Dean arched, mouth forming a wordless cry.

"Fuck you!" Dean panted, breathing harsh. Alastair shook his head. He removed the knife and then started trailing it against Dean's chest again. It was enough to tear his shirt and lightly pierce his shirt. Alastair continued to mutilate Dean's shirt, until it eventually fell away. Castiel sucked in a breath at the sight of the stab wound. It was bleeding heavily, and despite what Alastair had said, Castiel was still worried. Dean was a very pale.

Alastair hummed as he made shallow cuts on Dean's skin. He paused when Dean's head dropped against his chest, almost falling unconscious because of blood loss. Castiel yanked pointlessly at his chains, wishing he could reach out to Dean and hold him. Alastair frowned, then he used his index finger to lift Dean's head. Dean's eyes will dazed and filled with pain, tears around the edges but not falling.

"We can't have this." Alastair said. "It's much less fun with your unconscious." With one simple movement, Alastair had slashed deeply into Dean's throat. Sam and Castiel yelled out, fighting. Dean gasped, his eyes wide, as blood poured from his throat. He choked and cough, spreading blood everywhere. He teeth were stained with it. Dean jerked and bucked in his bonds, hands clenching and unclenching as he fought for breath. Castiel only watched, filled with horror, as the life was bled from Dean's body. He began to still, movement coming out in powerless twitches. His lips were blue and his eyes fluttered shut. Blood bubbled from his lips.

"Dean!" Sam screamed, his eyes filling with tears. "Dean, no!" Dean spasmed once more, and then he fell terribly limp. Castiel yelled out, trying to force his grace to break the chains. It was useless. Alastair only watched on, amused, at their collective struggle. He waited for them to settle down, shocked by the terrible murder they'd just witnessed, then he approached them.

"Don't worry." Alastair said. "He's not dead." As if on cue, Dean was suddenly alive and gasping for breath. Castiel and Sam jumped back in surprise, staring as the color returned to Dean's cheeks and his eyes opened. His injuries were gone.

"I can't kill him directly, remember?" Alastair asked, bored. Dean's eyes searched around wildly before landing on Alastair.

"No," he choked out, trembling, "no, no, no!" Alastair stalked towards him with a predatory smile.

"Yes, Dean." He purred. "You're stuck with me again."

"It's not real, Dean!" Sam shouted.

"It may not be truly real," Alastair said, "but it still feels real, doesn't it Dean?" Dean said nothing.

"You died too quickly." Alastair said. "I got a little ahead of myself. This time I'll take it slower." He walked to the table again, looking over the various tools he had. Then he picked one and looked back to Dean, smirking.

"You used to _love_ this one." He said lowly. Dean fidgeted as Alastair approached, anxiety obvious in his eyes. Castiel knew from past experiences how mentally terrible dying could be. Alastair held up the tool for Dean to see, and Dean flinched away. It was a brand, the metal so hot it was bright red. Without hesitation, Alastair pressed the brand against Dean's shoulder, where Castiel's mark had once been. Dean screamed, Castiel and Sam yelling with him, and convulsed in his chains, trying to pull away. Alastair smiled darkly and removed the brand. Dean's sagged in his bonds, chest heaving. Alastair offered him only a moment of relief, and then he was shoving the brand against Dean's shoulder again, this time in a slightly different spot. Dean screamed again. Alastair did this again and again, picking seemingly random spots on Dean's shoulder. Then, he stepped back, and Castiel saw what he'd done. The brand had made many small dots, hazardously ordered in the shape of a large 'A' spanning across Dean's shoulder. Alastair threw a smirk in Castiel's direction. He took Dean's trembling arm and _twisted_ until the bone snapped and Dean screamed again. Castiel could only watch, bile filling his throat.

"St- stop!" Dean stammered, screaming again when Alastair easily broke his other arm.

"You know what to say, Dean." Alastair said, stroking Dean's face.

"N- no!" Dean choked out, tears beginning to stream down his face. Alastair sighed.

"Oh, Dean." He said, walking back to the table and grabbing a large knife. "Wrong answer." He walked back to Dean and grabbed his jaw harshly. With one hand he forced Dean's mouth opened and reached into his mouth.

"If you won't what I want, then you won't say anything!" Alastair snarled, and Castiel felt had a horrible understanding. He cried out a warning of some sort, as if it would help, but it was too late. With his other hand, Alastair easily sliced through Dean's tongue. Dean let out a horrible screech and thrashed wildly in his bonds. Alastair pulled the dismembered tongue away and tossed it at Castiel and Sam. They both yelled and drew back, and it landed with a sickening plop in front of them. Sam fell to his hands and knees and wretched, and Castiel could only stare down in horror at the tongue as blood puddled around it. Dean kept yelling, and blood poured from his mouth.

"Have you learned your lesson yet?" Alastair chided, as if Dean were a disobedient child. He took Dean's hand in his and moved quickly, snapping Dean's finger. Dean let out a horrible wail, flailing. Alastair paid no heed, only continued to break one finger after another. The snap of bones with methodic, and Dean's screams we're practically continuous. Eventually, Alastair ran out of fingers and toes, and he drew back. He crossed his arms and stared thoughtfully at Dean. Then he snapped his fingers.

Dean shrieked, a horrible noise Castiel knew he'd never forget, and sobbed. Barbed wire was wrapped tightly around Dean's body, and with every shake it dug more into Dean's flesh. He writhed, desperate to escape, but it only made the wire cut deeper.

"Stop!" Sam begged. "Stop hurting him."

"I'm not even touching him." Alastair said cruelly. "But since you asked so nicely." He snapped again and Dean's pants were gone, leaving him only in his boxers. Dean wailed again as the wire carved into his vulnerable flesh. The walls and floor shook around them, and Sam glanced helpless at Castiel. Dean's soul was fading again. This was what Alastair had meant when he'd said he couldn't kill Dean directly. Dean looked helplessly at Alastair. Alastair walked to him and gripped Dean's neck tightly, choking him. Dean spasmed, trying to move away from all the pain. Alastair only tightened his hold, staring down at Dean as his eyes bulged. It was only seconds until Dean's body gave out for a second time and he wilted, dead. Alastair pulled back and waved his hand, and the wire was gone, though Dean still only had his boxers.

Castiel stared, empty, until Dean returned to life. His wounds were gone again, and he was only marked with the scars from before this terrible day. Dean looked around, gaze meeting Castiel's.

"Help." He pleased weakly. "Cas, please." Castiel had never felt so hopeless and powerful. He pulled against the chains, again. Dean stared, and then his eyes dropped to the floor. The room around then shook, this time more roughly and for a longer time. Dean's soul faded some more, so incredibly damaged. Castiel swallowed, jaw clenched.

"Dean, what are you afraid of?" Alastair asked, placing his hands against Dean's face and kissing him again. Dean shuddered and moved his head away. "Just one little word, that's all." Dean shook his head resolutely and refused to look at Alastair. Alastair chuckled, hand lightly stroking down Dean's bare chest, and then moving to grip his inner thigh. Castiel shook with rage.

"I know what you're afraid of, Dean." Alastair taunted softly, both hands holding Dean's thighs. "You're afraid they'll learn the truth." Dean quivered. Alastair leaned forward so his lips were next to Dean's ears and they were chest to chest.

He spoke, voice loud enough for Cas and Sam to hear, "You're terrified that they will come to realize that I did _nothing_ to break you. You were already a horrible person before, weren't you, Dean? I did not shape you or mold you into becoming like a demon, that part was already hidden inside you. I merely brought it out to play." He licked Dean's neck, and Dean's closed eyes tightened.

"Fuck you!" Castiel growled. "None of that is true!" Alastair nuzzled his nose against Dean's neck gently.

"You enjoyed it, being my student. You loved seeing people writhe under your hands. You're addicted to the power you had." He said, thumbs stroking the skin on Dean's inner thighs. "The truth is that you were broken far before I got to you, that you were so dark and twisted that I only had to give you a small push until you did what you wanted." The world around them shook terribly, and Cas and Sam fell to the ground.

"It's not true, Dean!" Sam called, voice desperate. "You're not evil!" Dean looked up, helplessly, at Sam.

"I am." He said brokenly, and Alastair smiled against his neck.

"Good boy, Dean." He crooned, petting Dean's leg. "Fantastic little bitch."

"Dean Winchester." Castiel growled. He stood straight and lifted his head. Dean wearily met his eyes.

"You have the most beautiful soul." Cas said, absolutely certain. "I have never regretted for a second that I saved you from Hell. Your soul has withstood terrible things, and never has it faded. Even now as it fades from existence, you remain bright. You are not responsible for your actions. Alastair hurt you, forced you to do what he wanted. That is not your fault." The room still shook.

"Come on, Dean." Alastair purred. "You know who you _truly_ are. Join me again, my sweet. You will be great." Alastair pulled back slightly, looking smug. Dean hesitantly met his eyes.

"No." He whispered. The room stopped shaking and Alastair froze. Hope bloomed in Castiel's chest.

"What?" Alastair hissed, voice cold and dangerous. Dean slowly shook his head, eyes fearful but determined.

"No." He said again, stronger. "I am more than what you try to make me." Alastair fell backwards, outraged, and made to hit Dean, but the room faded away. Alastair screamed in frustration as he rippled into nonexistence. Everything disappeared, Castiel and Sam fell forward as they were released from their chains, and Dean collapsed on the ground. Sam and Cas ran forward, nearly stumbling over each other, and fell to his side. Dean stared blankly up at nothing, eyes glazed. He looked lethargically at Sam, and then at Castiel. His eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Dean." Castiel murmured, gently cradling Dean's head as the hunter slowly broke down.

"I want him gone." Dean sobbed out. "Out of my head." Sam looked at Castiel helplessly, but Castiel was just as lost as he was.

"We will get through this, Dean." He said softly. "You are strong, and we are here for you." Sam nodded silently, reaching out to grip Dean's hand. Dean shuddered, tears pouring down his cheeks, and Castiel hurt. Castiel hated how sad and broken Dean seemed. He hated Michael and Alastair, and everyone who had ever laid a hand on Dean or had led him to believe he was less than what he was. Dean was amazing. He could only hold Dean as the hunter cried.

Michael wasn't giving them any relief, though. The world shaped around them again, and Castiel gave an aggravated sigh. Couldn't Dean catch a break? Sam and Castiel looked around, trying to figure out what was coming next. He cursed, because John Winchester stood in front of them once again.

John Winchester was back, and he _did not_ look happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graphic torture (physical / psychological) lots of pain, creepy Alastair  
> implied non-con stuff  
> non-con kissing/touching (like face, chest, thighs) - nothing more but still not nice   
> pls let me know if I've forgotten anything


	4. You Tell Me I Can Start Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't own supernatural   
> didn't pre read as much as I usually did so more mistakes than normal my baddd  
> mine the tags

"Dad," Dean croaked. He wiped hastily at his eyes and pushed himself up. John crossed his arms, glaring. Dean fidgeted.

"Not real, Dean." Sam said again, and hating himself for it. Even if it wasn't technically real, Dean good still feel it. It might as well be real with the physical pain he had already gone through.

"Why the fuck are you crying?" John demanded, stepping closer to the trio. "Are you a little girl." Dean eyed their father for a second, then hesitantly squared his shoulders and looked his dad directly in the eye.

"No," he said firmly, "I was crying because I feel hurt."

 _"I feel hurt."_ John mocked, sneering. "Man up, Dean. Fuck, have I taught you nothing?" Dean glared at John and did not reply.

"Now you're being a fucking pussy." John spat. "Can't even face me like a man."

"What would the point of that be?" Dean asked furiously. "I could never win with you anyways." John crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"That's because you're always wrong, Dean." He said. "You're always messing up."

"I'm not!" Dean snapped. John raised an eyebrow, expression murderous.

"What about all the times Sam got hurt on a hunt, right?" He asked, and Dean visibly faltered.

"That was never your fault, Dean." Sam said quietly. "It's his fault for bringing kids on a fucking case." Dean cast him a look and nodded curtly.

"What about when Sam ran away?" John continued, glaring harshly. Sam felt a swell of guilt, that had really been his fail and not Dean's.

"I did the best I could, Dad." Dean said. John scoffed.

"You were a terrible brother." He said. "I gave you one job. One job! And still you couldn't do it. No matter how times I disciplined you, you always screwed up somehow."

"That wasn't disciple!" Dean said sharply, and Sam looked at him, confused. What the hell were they talking about? John's eyes narrowed.

"It was discipline." He said. "You fucked up, and so I punished you." Dean gritted his teeth.

"That wasn't disciple." He repeated, his voice a growl. Sam glanced at Cas to see if the angel had any clue what they were talking about, and he saw Cas's incredibly dark expression.

"You deserved it." John said, and suddenly it started to click. Sam's eyes widened. He'd heard that phrase said before to victims of abuse. Surely Dad hadn't done anything, right? Their Dad may have been an asshole, but he wasn't _abusive_. Sam would have seen something, surely.

"He did not." Castiel said, speaking up for Dean. "Nobody ever deserves to be beat." Sam inhaled sharply. John had hurt Dean! God, how did that happen without Sam noticing? Was he so self-absorbed that he didn't even notice his Dad had abused his brother.

"Cas," Dean said urgently, looking at Sam, "he didn't know that." Cas looked momentarily apologetic, but then his expression firmed.

"I respect your privacy, Dean, but Sam deserves to know too." Cas said. Dean shot him a betrayed look, but Cas's expression did not change. Dean sighed and looked helplessly at Sam.

"You should stop sticking up for that fuck-up." John said. "He'll only disappoint you."

"He won't." Cas said. "Even if he fails, we will never be disappointed in him." Sam nodded quickly, looking to his brother.

"It's true, Dean." He said. "I don't care what happens."

"You say that now." John said darkly. "But you'll change your mind. I did." Cas looked _furious_.

"Dad, they actually love me." Dean said, and Sam couldn't help but feel pride in the certainty in Dean's voice.

"I have no idea why." John grumbled. "You were always such a disobedient and reckless boy. You always came back late and got into fights. You left Sam alone for hours when you went out."

"I had to." Dean said. "Fuck you, I had to."

"Like hell you had to." John said. "You only wanted to go sneak off and get drunk with your friends."

"I didn't have any friends!" Dean said, voice raising. "I never had any friends because when I wasn't in those crappy motel rooms I was working my ass off trying to earn another buck or two so I could buy fucking food!"

"I gave you money!" John shouted back.

"You gave me barely anything and then left for weeks at a time!" Dean yelled.

"If you wouldn't have wasted the money on booze you would have had enough!" John said, coming forward.

"I didn't!" Dean exclaimed, clearly frustrated. "I only ever got drunk when you were around! Do you honestly believe I would do something so reckless with Sammy around? I worked so hard to not be you!" John lunged forward, hands outstretched, and tackled into Dean. Sam shouted and Castiel growled, both rushing forward to try and shove John away. Their hands only went uselessly through him. Instead they tried to pull Dean away from where he and John were fighting on the floor. Dean was able to shove their dad away and stumble up. His eye was bruising and his lip was split. John, on the other hand, look perfectly fine.

"You never protected him like you should have, Dean." John said. "Your own brother."

"I did the best that I could!" Dean argued, glowering. John rolled his eyes.

"If that was your best then I'd hate to see your worst." He said coldly. "God, how the fuck does Sam put up with you?"

"Dean was more of a father to me than you ever were!" Sam said, stepping closer to his brother. John studied him for a moment, then shot a Dean a triumphant look that Sam hated.

"He doesn't know, then?" Their dad asked. Dean shifted, hands clenched and expression carefully guarded. Sam watched Dean, curiosity creeping up even though he knew his dad was just trying to distract them.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dean growled, but something flashed behind his eyes, and Sam knew he was lying. What the hell could Dean have done that he wouldn't tell Sam about? They'd both made so many mistakes before, so what could be worse than those?

"You know what I'm talking about." John scoffed. "You haven't told him yet because you know it's wrong." Sam just watched, wanting to ask but knowing it was a trap of some sort.

"It's not wrong." Dean said, looking down in a way that meant he was feeling uncertain.

"It's disgusting." John hissed, coming forward again. "You're filth."

"Dean Winchester is not filth!" Cas said fiercely.

"If only you knew what I know." John scoffed. "You wouldn't think him so holy."

"He is a righteous man." Cas continued stubbornly.

"He's not a righteous man." John said darkly. "He's nothing more than a worthless _faggot_." Sam blinked, startled, and looked to Dean. Dean stared blankly at their father, but he looked like he was barely keeping it together and he did nothing to deny John's words.

"That's right, Sammy." John sneered. "Your brother is gay." Sam did not look at their dad, keeping himself focused on Dean. He tried to look as accepting and non-threatening as possible.

"You're gay, Dean?" Sam asked, fighting to keep any accusation out of his tone. He could ask about why Dean had not told him at a different time.

"No," Dean said quietly, not taking his gaze from John, "I'm bisexual."

"Same fucking thing." John said. "You like it up the ass either way. Fucking queer. You're disgusting."

"Who he loves does not determine his worth." Cas said angrily.

"Aren't you supposed to be some sort of angel?" John said. "You're a holy bring, you should despise him. Bible says it's wrong."

"If you're so intent on using religion, the Bible also says that we are not to cast judgement, and we are to love one another." Castiel growled. "Clearly you've ignored that part." John rolled his eyes.

"It's still wrong." John said.

"It's not wrong, Dad." Sam said, nodding at Dean when his brother looked at him. John stared at Sam.

"How could you approve of this?" He demanded.

"How could you not?" Sam retorted. "He's your son!"

"He's hardly my son." John said. "He never did as he was told, he never protected you the way he should have."

"Not this again, Dad." Sam sighed. "It should've have been up to Dean to protect me. He was a kid for fuck's sake! And I don't care if he's bi or gay or pan or whatever, I love him no matter what." Sam shot Dean another look, hoping his brother believed him. John shook his head slowly.

"Mary would be so disappointed in you." John said.

"She's not!" Dean argued. "She came back and we got to know her!"

"Does she know you're gay?" John asked. Dean faltered.

"No." He said.

"That's why she's not disappointed in you." John said. "She would hate you if she knew." Dean was silent, and so was Sam. They truly did not know if Mary was homophobic or not.

"It doesn't matter." Cas said. "If you can't accept him, then you're not worth him."

"We're his family." John scoffed. "His own flesh and blood. If we can't accept him then there must be something wrong with him."

"Cas is my family too, Dad." Dean said quietly. "He and Sam, they're my family." John fixed him with a withering glare.

"I'm your father, Dean." He said, voice full of authority. "I brought you into this world and raised you, and you're not even grateful."

"You didn't raise me." Dean argued. "I raised myself, and I raised Sammy. You were never a father to us."

"So you're going to choose an angel over me?" John growled. His image was starting to blur, and Sam rubbed his eyes. John was still blurring afterwards.

"Yes." Dean answered immediately. "Cas and Sam are my family, and not you."

"You'll screw up sometime." John growled, fading more. "Then they will leave you, just like your mother and I did. Because we realized you're the scum of the earth."

"Nothing he does will make us leave him." Cas said. "We don't care that he's bi, or that he makes mistakes."

"Yeah, fuck you, Dad." Sam said. John glared at them, and his image faded even more.

"It's okay that I'm bi." Dean said. "It doesn't make me wrong." With that, John Winchester disappeared completely. Dean let out a long breath and wilted. He sat on the floor and stared straight ahead. The wounds on his face slowly began to heal themselves.

"Dean?" Cas asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

"Just peachy." Dean grumbled back. Sam and Cas stayed silent, waiting to see what Dean would do. Eventually, he sighed again and looked up at them.

"So, now what?" He asked.

"Dean, I meant what I said." Sam said. "I love you no matter what." Dean's features relaxed so minutely that anyone who wasn't Cas or Sam wouldn't have been able to tell, but Sam saw and it made him feel happy.

"Thanks." Dean said softly. "S'good to know."

"I will also always care for you, Dean." Cas said. "Though, I feel as though I should inform you that I've known of your sexuality since I rebuilt you after Hell." Dean spun to face him, looking shocked and almost affronted.

"You knew?!" He demanded. "Why didn't you say anything?" Cas blinked, looking surprised by Dean's hostility. He shifted awkwardly, obviously now uncertain.

"You never brought it up." Cas said. "I knew it would make you uncomfortable, and I was waiting for you to entrust me with this knowledge." Dean stared at him.

"Dean," Sam started, "you know you could have told me, right? I mean, Charlie was gay. I wouldn't have been upset." Sam had to admit he was a little hurt that Dean had apparently thought him a homophobe. Dean sighed and rubbed his hands against his eyes tiredly.

"It wasn't that." He said. "I swear I knew you'd be okay with it. It's just that, after I told Dad I didn't want to tell anyone again."

"Wait," Sam said, stunned, "Dad knew?" Obviously, Sam had indeed just witnessed their father berating Dean for being bi, but he had assumed that John was just a representation of Dean's fear, and that their dad didn't actually know. Hell, Sam was surprised Dean knew with such certainty, and that it wasn't something he'd recently discovered (Dean could be a bit... _dense_ at times, and Sam wouldn't have put it past him to be attracted to guys and still think himself straight).

"Yeah," Dean answered, "I told Dad. It didn't go well."

"What happened?" Sam asked, frowning. He'd already known their father to be a homophobic asshole, and so he could only imagine what things he'd done. Dean studied his hands for a moment before replying.

"I was, like, sixteen." Dean started slowly. "We has just finished this hunt, and he was being really good. He was mostly sober, and he told me he was proud of me. I told him I was bi, and he socked me in the jaw. He yelled some things about he didn't raise his sons to be gay, I apologized and promised to change, and we never spoke of it again."

"Dean," Sam said, "that's terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

"Yeah, well." Dean shrugged. "What can you do? The past's past, and all that." Sam pursued his lips, glancing at Cas. The angel had a pensive look, as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how. He wasn't given the opportunity.

"Dean?" A voice called, and Sam _reeled_ as he spun around. Sure enough, like a mirror, Sam saw himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that was good  
> I think I'm gonna change the rating to mature cause it seems kinda dark / angsty


	5. And I Don't Need to Keep on Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own supernatural

"Dean?" Other Sam asked, not glancing once at Cas or Real Sam.

"Sam?" Dean looked wildly between the two, and Sam took a moment to observe himself. Other Sam was younger, much younger, than he was now. His hair was shorter too. He looked awkward and naive. Sam figured he was around eighteen.

"Dean, what's going on?" Dean swallowed and met Other Sam's eyes.

"Hey, Sammy." He said unsurely. "How are you?" Other Sam blinked and frowned.

"Dean, you okay?" Young Sam asked.

"I'm fine, Sam." Dean said. The world lurched and they all, minus Sam Copy, lost balance and tumbled to the ground. When Sam righted himself, he saw their surroundings had changed again. They were outside, at some bus station that seemed really familiar. It was in the afternoon. The Impala was parked nearby. Dean sucked in a breath. Sam glanced at his brother, and was surprised to find that Dean looked much younger too, in his early twenties.

"Dean," Young Sam started, shifted awkwardly, "I know this is hard." Dean stared at Young Sam.

"What's hard?" Dean asked slowly. Young Sam's eyebrows crinkled for a second, then they smoothened out.

"Dean," Sam sighed, a hint of annoyance filling his tone, "c'mon, man. Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be."

"What is he talking about?" Cas questioned. Young Sam did not appear to hear him. Dean observed Sam Copy and their surroundings, then a look of realization crossed his features.

"Stanford." Dean said glancing down, and it clicked in Sam's brain. This was when he left for Stanford, after he and John had gotten in a fight and John had said to not come back. Dean had driven him to the bus station.

"Yeah, Dean, Stanford." Other Sam said. "I know you weren't expecting it, but I've been thinking about this for a long time. I don't want to be a hunter anymore." He has a defiant look in his face, like he expected Dean to argue.

"I know, Sam." Dean said. Other Sam looked surprised, and Real Sam remembered how he had been preparing to fight Dean for his choice.

"You know you could've told me." Dean continued, resigned. Young Sam threw him a bitch face.

"You would've told Dad." He argued.

"I wouldn't have." Dean said back, frowning and looking hurt. "Sam, you know I care more about you than Dad."

"I know." Real Sam assured, momentarily reminding Dean of their presence.

"It doesn't feel like that." Young Sam said bitterly. Real Sam shifted. This wasn't what had happened.

"Sam," Dean said sadly.

"Dean," Sam Copy returned, scoffing slightly, "you're Dad's little soldier. Was I really supposed to think you'd choose me over Dad?"

"Sam," Dean said, a pained expression crossing his face, "I'd do anything for you." Young Sam rolled his eyes, and Real Sam wanted nothing more but to punch himself in the face.

"You know what, Dean?" Sam Copy snapped. "It doesn't even matter. I don't care what you say, I'm leaving."

"I'm not trying to make you stay." Dean said. "I just want you to know that no matter what I'm here for you."

"That's such bullshit." Young Sam snarled. "You have never been there for me!" Dean drew back, eyes wide, but Young Sam was on a rampage. "The only reason you're saying this now is because you don't want to be left alone with Dad. It's your own fault for driving me away, asshole." Sam glared at himself.

"That's not true, Dean." He said to his brother. All of this was beginning to feel very repetitive. He kept telling Dean it wasn't true, but that didn't seem to matter in the end.

"I didn't try to drive you away." Dean said. Young Sam glared.

"Well, you did, Dean." He said. "You always left me behind. I was alone in those motels for _hours_." Sam bit his lip. That much was true. When he was younger he'd often resented the times where Dean would leave him. Now, he understood Dean was doing whatever they had to do to survive without their father.

"Sam, I really tried." Dean sighed. "I had to leave."

"That's what Dad always said." Young Sam said. Dean looked away.

"The fact is, Dean," Sam Copy continued, "you weren't there for me, and I can't trust you to be here for me now."

"I've done my best, Sam." Dean tried, a bit desperately, looking to the Real Sam too. Real Sam nodded quickly, trying to make sure Dean knew that Sam understood.

"Yeah, well," Fake Sam said, "it wasn't enough."

"It was, Dean." Real Sam said. "You're always enough, and I'm sorry I haven't told you more often."

"I hear ya, Sammy." Dean said grimly.

"You always took his side, too." Other Sam said. "Whenever Dad wanted to move us states away, you always took his side. I wanted to stay and make friends, and have a real life! But you and Dad always kept me from that."

"I did that because I didn't want you two to fight." Dean said. "Dad was going to get his way no matter what."

"I don't want to hear your excuses, Dean." Sam Copy said. "Maybe if you had been different, or tried harder, it would've been enough. But you didn't, and it's not. I need a new life. One that doesn't involve Dad, or hunting, or you." Sam stared at himself, completely disgusted. It was terrible Dean thought this.

"I'm really sorry, Sammy." Dean said quietly.

"For the last time," Young Sam groaned, "it's Sam, not Sammy."

"I'm really sorry, Sam." Dean corrected. Other Sam eyed him, then shook his head.

"Too little, too late. God, Dad was right about you all along: you're useless." Real Sam rushed forward and threw his arms around his brother. Dean tensed at the contact before relaxing slowly.

"You're not useless, De." Sam whispered. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were."

"He is useless." Other Sam argued, growing aware of Sam and Cas. "He is a terrible brother and Dad always said he'd amount to nothing." Castiel growled and stepped forward.

"I know that's what you've heard for much of your life, Dean." Cas said gently. "But it's not true."

"I know." Dean replied weakly. The mental construction seemed to realize that it was losing its hold on Dean, and the Sam Copy started to grow more aggressive.

"I'm leaving because of you!" Sam Copy hissed. "You drove me to this! It's your fault that Dad and I never got along, and that I'm going to Stanford. You ruined my life!" As if on cue, fire burst into life right behind Other Sam. The three jumped back in surprise. Young Sam stood still, eyes burning. A figure appeared in the flames, and Sam realized with a pang in his chest that the figure was Jess.

"It's your fault, Dean!" Fake Sam yelled. "I had an amazing life here with Jess. Then _you_ come along and she dies! You always ruin my life! I just wanted to be happy! Why won't you let me be happy?" Dean refused to answer, instead choosing to look at Real Sam.

Sam hugged his brother again, tightly.

"It's not true, De!" He said fiercely. "I never blamed you for Jess! That's not your fault and you couldn't have prevented it!" If anything it was Sam's fault, but it wasn't the time to discuss that.

"I know." Dean said. Fake Sam grew even more frenetic.

"I hate you!" He screamed. "I hate you so much! Everything I do, it's because of you! If you were dead I would be happy again!"

"Dean," Sam gasped, "I never want you dead, okay?"

"I was glad when you died!" Other Dean said, ruthless. "I rejoiced and danced on your fucking grave. Then you just had to come back and uproot my life again. I keep trying to get away from this life, and from _you_ , and you keep dragging me back! It's why I didn't look for you when you were in Purgatory!" Real Sam flinched, feeling guilt.

"I was not happy when you were gone." He said. "Not when you died, and not when you were in Purgatory!"

"I know." Dean said again, stronger, and Sam Copy screeched. His face was red and his eyes were bulging maniacally.

"I could've had a life!" He screamed, spittle flying. "I could've been happy! You took _everything_ from me!" He lunged forward and knocked Dean to the ground. With a vicious cry, he began to punch Dean's face over and over. Cas and Sam hurried to pull Dean away. Dean stumbled back, meeting Sam Copy's eye.

"I gave you everything." He said, voice certain. "I did my best, and it was enough." Other Sam wailed, enraged, and flew forward again. He froze midair, and then there was a blinding flash. Sam covered his eyes quickly, head searing. He opened his eyes once the light faded. Sam Copy and Jess were gone, along with the bus station.

"Dean," Sam said, "you are the best brother anyone could ever hope for. I'm so lucky to have you. You've given everything up for me, and I've hardly thanked you for it."

"I did, Sammy." Dean said. "And I'd do it again, if I had to." Sam watched him for a moment, taking in his somewhat slouched posture.

"Thank you, Dean." He said. "You really are amazing, and I'm sorry I made you feel otherwise." Dean tried to protest that it wasn't really Sam who'd made Dean feel bad, but Sam ignored him. Maybe Sam hadn't directly done anything to hurt Dean's self-esteem (or maybe he had and Dean just wasn't telling Sam), but by not letting Dean know that all of his sacrifices and hard work were appreciated, he had indirectly contributed to Dean's less-than-stellar self-worth.

Dean nodded stiffly, looking very uncomfortable.

It was dark all around them again. Dean was in much better condition than he had been the last two times, and Sam almost got hopeful. Almost.

"Hello, Dean." Sam inwardly swore. _Of course_. Sam should have expected this. They'd already seen an evil John and evil Sam, all that was missing was a certain angel. Dean and Cas realized this too. Dean grimaced and Cas looked unhappy. They turned towards the new voice, and, sure enough, another Cas stood behind them. His expression was cold.

"Heya, Cas."


	6. I'm Fully Known

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't own supernatural

Castiel had never hated himself more. It was easy to see that these terrible mental constructions were growing progressively worse. Castiel's copy had come after Sam's. Dean feared Castiel even more than he feared Sam leaving and hating him. Castiel felt horrible.

"Maybe we can ignore him." Sam suggested, looking tense. Castiel felt his heart plummet. Sam must hate Castiel for being Dean's worst fear (so far).

"It hasn't worked before." Dean grumbled. Castiel grimaced. The only way for Dean to overcome these obstacles was by realizing that he was stronger than them. This was no doubt taxing for Dean, emotionally and mentally.

"Dean," Other Castiel said, and Castiel flinched at the harshness in his own tone, "was there something you needed?" The environment rippled again, and Castiel was very tired of this pseudo-transportation. They landed in the entrance of the bunker. Castiel Copy stood with his back to the front door, clearly intent on leaving.

"No, Cas." Dean said. Castiel wondered what would happen if they just let the scene play out, and if Fake Castiel actually left. Would they be forced to follow him, or would they have to relive the scene over and over until they gave the correct responses to stimulate the conflict? Other Cas stared at Dean.

"This is your fault, you know." He said. Cutting right to the chase, it seemed.

"What's my fault, Cas?" Dean asked, voice full of exhaustion. He'd been through this five times already. Fake Castiel rolled his eyes in a very un-Castiel manner.

"Dean, I've had it with you." Castiel Copy growled. "You treat me like a slave and a convenience, and you make me feel awful whenever I try to do something that will make me happy. You say we're family, but you throw me out and treat me like _shit_ and I'm tired of it!" Dean looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. Their surroundings shook, and, with a horrified start, Castiel realized Dean's soul was cracking already. He'd lasted so much longer in the other scenes, but he was already breaking.

"Dean," Castiel said, reaching out to touch Dean's shoulder in a totally platonic way, "it's okay. I don't truly feel this way."

"Right, Cas." Dean said, offering Castiel an obviously fake smile.

"Dean, it would be better if I just go." Fake Castiel said, drawing Dean's attention. "It's clear you don't care about my feelings."

"I do, Cas." Dean said, taking a step towards Other Castiel. "I care about you."

"You _care_ about me?" Other Castiel scoffed, fists clenching. "You have a horrible way of showing it." Dean looked away, abashed, and Castiel's hand clenched where it still held Dean's shoulder. There was a shift in the air, and then Castiel and Sam were flying backwards and landing roughly on the floor.

"No!" Castiel hissed as chains clamped down on his and Sam's ankles. He tugged at them but accomplished nothing.

"Oh, Dean, I can see your soul." Fake Castiel said quietly, coming forward to lift Dean's chin so their gazes met. Fake Castiel only looked for a second before drawing away with a look of disgust.

"I see," Fake Castiel said darkly, "you do care." Dean took a heaving breath, tensing.

"You more than care about me." Castiel Copy sneered, leaning forward so he and Dean were nose to nose. "You _love_ me." Castiel gasped, freezing. Sam looked to him, utterly shocked. Dean wilted, and the world shook again. _There's no way it could be true_.

"Admit it, Dean." Castiel Copy said cruelly. "You've been in love with me for years. It burns you up inside to see me everyday and not be with me. You _hate_ yourself for feeling this way, for defiling my image in this manner." Castiel stared on, still at a lost for words.

"Cas," Dean started, trembling.

"Don't try to deny it!" Other Castiel said sharply. "I can feel your thoughts and soul. You're so in love with me that you feel like you're drowning. You'd rather die than have me reject you and your love, and that's why you haven't said anything." Dean shuddered and looked away, not before Castiel noticed, with a clench of his heart, that tears were streaming down Dean's face. Fake Castiel tutted and reached out to tenderly cup Dean's face. Dean let out a sob and sagged against Fake Castiel's hand. Fake Castiel only allowed Dean a brief second, and then his expression filled with rage and he shoved Dean away. Dean, caught off guard, stumbled back and fell. Fake Castiel towered over him.

"You _disgust_ me!" He spat, saliva hitting Dean's cheek. Dean looked at his lap, shaking.

"You stayed strong with everything else because you've lived through it before." Castiel Copy snarled, kneeling so he entrapped Dean's legs between his own. "You've experienced a plane ride, and your mother's death. Alastair took your mind and body in Hell. John beat and abused you for more than half of your life. Sam left you, multiple times, because you were never enough for him. You survived, and you pressed on. But you've never been honest with me, Dean." Fake Castiel brushed Dean's hair away from his eyes and stroked a finger down Dean's cheek. "You've never told me how you feel, because you know what will happen. I could _never_ return your feelings. I am an Angel of the Lord. I am above you. You are not worthy of my time, let alone my affection. In no universe would we ever be something more. Even as friends, it's always been clear how superior I am to you. You've known this whole time that your love would mean absolutely _nothing_ to me, because, Dean, you mean absolutely nothing to me."

"No." Castiel croaked, finally finding his voice. "You mean everything to me, Dean!" Dean did not seem to hear him, his eyes focused only on the Castiel in front of him. Other Castiel moved forward so he was practically on top of Dean.

"Is this what you want, Dean?" He crooned mockingly. "You want me to return your affections, both emotionally and physically?" He forced Dean to meet his eye. "Answer me!"

"Yes." Dean answered meekly. The world trembled violently, and Castiel fell to the floor. Dean's soul cracked deeply, and Dean let out a wounded noise.

Fake Castiel leaned forward slowly, hand cupping Dean's face again and gently guiding him closer. Castiel's heart beat painfully in his chest as he watched, frozen. Fake Castiel and Dean's lips brushed ever so slightly, and then Fake Castiel pulled away.

"I will _never_ love you." He breathed into Dean's ear. "You are filth. Your mere presence tarnishes me. You have brought me to the lowest of the lows. I will sooner walk into Hell than stay here with you. You will _never_ be enough for me." Dean whimpered, eyes shutting tightly. Fake Castiel drew back and roughly backhanded Dean. Dean slipped and fell back. He did not move.

His soul nearly shattered, and the pain was so intense that Castiel cried out. The world shook and did not stop.

"Dean!" Sam shouted desperately, pulling against the chains. "Dean, get up!"

"Dean!" Castiel joined in. "Dean, please!" Fake Castiel shifted so he was standing above Dean's prone form. He looked at Castiel and Dean with a malicious smirk. Castiel stared as his copy's face began to morph. In only a second, Michael stared at them, looking victorious.

"I told you." He said. "He's stuck here, as are you two." Michael cast a loathing glance down at Dean, then he swooped down and dragged Dean up by the front his shirt. Dean stared listlessly up at at Michael, tears still leaking from his eyes.

"You could never beat me." He said. "You're mine now. If this doesn't break you, then I will keep you here until it does. You will relive this again and again until your soul breaks and you give in to me completely. I will savor every second."

"Cas." Dean said softly, blinking. A sob tore from him again, and this time Castiel sobbed with him.

"Dean, you can fight him!" Sam screamed. Dean shifted in Michael's hold, but the world continued to shake. Castiel watched with alarm as the walls of the Bunker began to tumble away. Michael laughed.

"Dean can't handle the truth, especially after hiding for so long." Michael sneered. Dean shuffled weakly.

"I'm not filthy." He tried, voice barely audible. Michael scoffed again.

"You bring only pain." He told Dean. Dean shook his head, starting to fight against Michael's grip. Michael rolled his eyes and dropped Dean, then kicked his chest. Dean groaned.

"Dean!" Castiel yelled. "I swear to you, you are worthy." Dean tried to get back up, but Michael only morphed into Castiel again and continued to beat Dean. Dean's soul splintered and cracked. Just as it was about to break, he looked hopelessly at Castiel and Sam.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I love you, Cas." Castiel sucked in his breath, feeling himself feel with bitter regret. _We've waisted all this time. It's not fair!_ Dean's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed. The world fell apart. Shards of the Bunker shifted suddenly and began to fall. The horrible, stomach-dropping feeling filled Castiel.

"Dean, please!" He cried, hopeless. He _needed_ Dean to know. "I love you too!" The falling pieces of the Bunker halted, and Castiel and Sam hit the floor roughly with inertia. Dean's eyes were wide open, and he stared at Castiel. Michael had been blown back, but he was now trying to get back towards Dean.

"What?" Dean asked, trembling. Castiel swallowed, not letting go of Dean's faze.

"I love you too."

"No!" Michael screamed, lunging for Dean.

The world exploded into bright, white light.

"Dean!" Both Castiel and Sam yelled. There was only white and silence. "Dean!"

Then, Castiel was jerking up in his chair and gasping for breath he didn't need. He looked around wildly, recognizing the Bunker. Sam jolted awake next to him. They looked to Dean, who was still unconscious, and waited to see if Michael was gone.

_Please, Father, I beg of you._

Dean came to life, suddenly, and jerked in his chair.

"Dean?" Castiel asked, desperate. Dean stared at him and Sam for a moment, and Castiel was certain that Michael was still there or that Dean's mind had shattered.

Dean smiled.

"Cas."


	7. And Loved By You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't own supernatural

Castiel and Sam rushed forward, hugging Dean and removing him of the bonds.

"Dean," Cas choked out, " _Dean_." Dean shifted so he was free, and then Castiel was wrapping his arms around Dean and holding him tightly. Sam crowded Dean's other side and also hugged him.

"I'm okay, guys." Dean said, voice muffled slightly by Castiel's shoulder. Castiel forced himself to loosen his grip and pull away from Dean. Dean looked up at him, grinning.

"I'm glad you are alright, Dean." Castiel said. His hands still held Dean's shoulders. Sam pulled away from Dean too.

"Is he gone?" Sam rasped. Dean closed his eyes for a moment, then he opened them and nodded.

"Yeah," he answered, "he's gone. I don't know how."

"You've expelled him somehow." Castiel mused.

"Is he dead, then?" Sam asked, looking to Castiel. Castiel frowned and shook his head.

"I doubt it." He said. "Likely he's severely weakened, but not destroyed. Unfortunately."

"At least he's gone." Dean murmured, eyes darkening as he looked away. Sam and Castiel met each other's gazes above Dean's head, a silent conversation occurring.

"Well," said Sam, clearing his throat, "I'm going to go and make sure everything's okay. Jack'll want to know what happened." Sam excused himself and quickly left the room. Castiel watched him leave, then turned his attention to Dean. The hunter was still looking into the distance. Castiel observed him for a moment pensively.

"Dean," Castiel began hesitantly. Dean's eyes flickered towards him, expression briefly flashing with fear before he was able to mask it, "are you okay?" Dean licked his lips and nodded slowly. They stared at one another, each waiting for the other to do something more.

"Was it true?" Dean finally broke, voice cracking.

"Every word." Castiel breathed, not caring what Dean was referring to (even though he did _know_ what Dean meant) because everything Castiel had said was true. Dean was the most amazing soul Castiel had met. Dean was beautiful and talented and so righteous, and Castiel was in love with him. Dean searched his eyes, then nodded minutely when he found whatever he was looking for.

"Okay." He whispered, looking vulnerable and gorgeous. Suddenly, Castiel couldn't contain himself. He surged forward and pressed his lips roughly against Dean's, his hands slipping low to grip Dean's hips. Dean arched against him and reached to hold Castiel's face between his hands. Castiel shivered at that the touch. Dean's hands, rough and calloused from years as a hunter, were impossibly soft and gentle against Castiel's cheeks. Castiel tilted his head slightly and pulled Dean against him. Dean was the first to break their kiss. He leaned back, eyes dark and cheeks pink has he breathed heavily though his mouth. Castiel watched as he licked his lips again.

"I love you." Castiel gasped. "So much." Dean melted against him, eyes filled with tears.

"I love you too." Dean murmured, his voice deep and emotional. Castiel bent forward and pulled Dean into another kiss, gentler this time, but still loving and full of promise. They broke again and Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's.

"My beloved." Castiel hummed, and Dean let out a breathless noise that had Castiel kissing him over and over, heat stirring within him. Eventually, Castiel pulled away completely. He gently brought Dean up from his chair so he could hold Dean properly. The hunter leaned into Castiel's chest, sighing into their kiss. Castiel ran his hands across Dean's back, holding him tightly. They slid lower, slipping under the hem of Dean's shirt. Dean opened his eyes, staring trustingly at Castiel.

"Would you like to, uh," Castiel paused, beginning to feel awkward.

"Fuck yeah." Dean said, nodding eagerly and pressing more kisses against Castiel's face and neck. Castiel groaned his approval and pushed Dean backwards so the hunter was trapped between Castiel and the table.

"God, I love you." Castiel said, adoring the way Dean's breathing hitched. "I love you so much."

"Love you too." Dean panted, and Castiel felt warmer and happier than he had ever been. Then Dean moaned and Castiel's concentration was quickly lost.

* * * * *

Later, they sat on a large blanket in the forest near the Bunker. Dean had made burgers and several pies, and they had packed it all up for a well-deserved picnic. Jack was happy to see Dean well again, and Sam was excited to have his brother back. Neither mentioned the way Castiel wrapped his arm around Dean's waist and held him close, but Castiel did receive a wink or two and a knowing smirk. He didn't care.

Dean, back in his flannel and leather, was enjoying his third piece of pie.

"Careful, Dean." Sam teased. "You're going to get fat if you keep it up."

"Oh, I don't know," Castiel said with an air of nonchalance, "I'm sure Dean and I could find a way for him to work it off." Dean laughed as Sam choked, blushing.

"Hey, enough of that!" Sam said. "At least, not in front of the kid." Dean rolled his eyes, then kissed Castiel in a deep and dramatic way. Castiel happily went along with it, ignoring Sam's spluttering.

"Don't make me separate you two." Sam growled. Dean pulled away and chuckled fondly.

"I'd like to see you try." He gave Castiel a look that had the angel warming.

They stayed out for a long time, only leaving once the food was completely gone and the sun had begun to set. Sam and Jack left with the picnic things earlier than Castiel and Dean, obviously allowing the two some alone time.

"You're absolutely perfect, Dean." Castiel said, arm snaking down so he could grasp Dean's hand.

"You are too, Cas." Dean replied, eyes sparkling.

"I'd trade the world for you." Castiel continued. He wanted to fill Dean with love and kind words, wanted to chase away any fear, doubt, or insecurity still leftover from the mental constructions. Dean's genuine and untroubled smile told Castiel that it was working. He squeezed Dean's hand and started for the Bunker. Dean went along easily, leaning into Castiel as they walked.

"Love you, Cas." Dean said softly. Castiel hummed happily, stopping briefly to hold Dean's hand up and press a kiss to the back of it.

"I love you too, my beloved."

And so they went on, Dean no longer fearful of sharing or revealing things that weighed him down. He was fully known to Castiel, and loved by him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw I love them my sons   
> I hope y'all enjoyed it... let me know what you think!  
> -cap out-


End file.
